Absence
by Zion Angel
Summary: For three months they were apart, and those three months changed everything.
1. Gone

Absence

Chapter One

"Gone"

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As always, she was up at five, going about her usual morning routine, even though she had a rare chance to sleep in. Mr. Stark would be gone for another two days, and her workload would actually be reasonable if she didn't have to bring him coffee, take out his latest Trash, buy her own damn birthday present, or do whatever other tasks she was constantly forced to deal with, even though she was far too over-qualified to do them. She could be a normal assistant today, and that meant she didn't have to start work until at least nine. But she never seriously considered that whenever he went away. She liked her routine - it was probably the only thing that had allowed her to survive four years of working for Tony Stark.

Her cell rang as she sat at her vanity, putting on her eyeshadow. She quickly finished the last corner of her eye before looking down to Rhodes' name on the screen. Only one reason he would be calling. "Colonel Rhodes," she began when she answered. "Please do me a favor and tell Mr. Stark that if he has a problem he needs to be a big boy and call me him -"

"Pepper…"

Something in his tone made her freeze - she couldn't even say why, it was just instinctual.

"Pepper, something happened," he said quietly, somberly.

He was afraid, and upset - two emotions she had never imagined he was capable of. "Wh… what?" she whispered, her voice trembling.

"I thought I should call you first, you're pretty much the closest thing Tony has to a family -"

"For God's sake, Rhodes," she begged frantically, "what happened?"

She heard him swallow a lump out of his throat. "They were taking him to a different base after the missile demonstration, and… the caravan got attacked, and -"

"Is he alive?"

Rhodes signed. "We think so. They killed everyone, but we didn't find any sign of Tony. We think they captured him. Maybe ransom, maybe they want him to build weapons… we don't know. We've got people searching for him, but there's really no telling -"

Pepper's hand dropped slowly down to her vanity, and her finger pressed the 'end call' button halfway through Rhodes' sentence. She stared at her reflection, her mind blank - or maybe it was really just filled with far too many emotions, all coming and going too fast for her to feel them, like white noise.

This couldn't be happening. This _wasn't_ happening.

_Not happening, he's fine, I'll go to work and see him and he'll want coffee and he'll make some sarcastic comment about something and I check his email and -_

Somehow, her mind seemed to have convinced itself that her mantra was true, for a while at least, because the next thing she knew, she was unlocking the door to his mansion, and walking inside. She silently dropped her purse to the floor of the entryway, and began wandering aimlessly through every room of the house, knowing deep down that she was looking for him. She made her way through the living room and kitchen, his office, her office, two guest rooms and his bedroom, and finally down into his workshop, and he was nowhere to be found. She sat down at his work table, and slowly picked up some little gadget he was - had been - working on. She held it in her lap, turning it over in her fingers. She was still numb - definitely numb this time - just staring at the object. And in the next moment, without warning, the truth of the situation slammed into her with such force that she felt like it was going to crush her. She began crying uncontrollably, gasping for air as tears streamed down her cheeks and into her lap.

Some time later - she really had no idea how long - Jarvis interrupted her, telling her that Mr. Stark's kidnapping had been reported to the press, and that perhaps she should calm down, since there would no doubt be a horde of reporters calling for a statement any moment now.

--

_Fucking Funvee_.

He wasn't sure where the thought had come from, but it was the first thing that went through his mind when he became conscious.

The second was the sensations of pain as he became fully awake again. He had a horrible migraine and every muscle hurt, but the worst was the searing pain in his chest, like he had been stabbed with a jagged knife, a dozen times in the same area. But he forgot the pain instantly, when a sac was yanked off of his head to reveal a bright light shining on him, a camera, and men surrounding him with guns. One of them was reading something he couldn't understand, shouting at the camera. The man spoke Tony's name.

_I'm gonna die_. He panicked as his most recent memories came rushing back. _They're gonna kill me!_

His somewhat blurred vision fixated on the lens of the camera, and the tiny red light that said it was recording. The whole world would see this video, his death. Government, military, people at Stark Industries, Pepper - _Pepper_… He would never see Pepper again, and the last thing she would see of him would be his death.

His thoughts focused around Pepper as the man beside him continued his tirade, alternating between memories and images of her and the harsh reality that their last conversation was about him forgetting her birthday.

The man finished his speech, and Tony was cut off from any further thoughts or fear with the barrel of a gun slamming into the side of his head.

--

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Several more chapters will follow. I hope you're enjoying so far, and if you are, please review! :)


	2. Five Days

Absence

Chapter Two

"Five Days"

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Tony - and she still wasn't sure when she had started using his first name - always insisted on the best of everything - best mattress and finest silk sheets, even for a guest bedroom that was used only a handful of nights  a year, always by her.  She had stayed in this room every night since receiving Rhodes' call, not having it in her to go home at the end of the day, but still his extravagance was doing her no good.  It was her fourth… or maybe fifth night in the most comfortable bed she had ever been in, and her fifth night with almost no sleep.

After two hours or so of tossing and turning, she gave up and put on her slippers and robe, turning down yet another suggestion from Jarvis that she take a sleeping pill.  She set off to wander about the mansion aimlessly once again, leaving all of the lights off.

Damn it, the endless barrage of calls and e-mails from reporters, his work that still managed to pile up faster than she could sort it all out, and two disastrous on-air phone interviews with CNN (stammering and breaking down on national television wasn't exactly every girl's dream) should have worn her out.  She should be out cold right now, not pacing around like the living dead, exhausted out of her mind but to anxious to hold still.

Pepper was finally conceding to herself that she could not take much more of this when she found herself passing by his bedroom door.  She stopped, and stared.  It was closed.  But with nothing better to do, and the vague hope that it might make her feel the tiniest bit better, she went inside.  The moon was almost full, and it cast an eerie glow through the windows.  She stared around at everything - the millions of dollars worth of classic paintings, furniture whose cost she did not want to know, and finally onto his bed.  She slowly made her way toward it, and rested on the edge.  It was soft like the one in the guest bedroom.  Cotton sheets, though.  That had surprised her when she first started working for him, she recalled, absently pulling his pillow into her lap.  It didn't quite seem to fit that zillionaire Tony Stark would opt for something simple.  Granted, she knew it was Egyptian cotton that probably cost about the same as silk, but still.

She stared down at the pillow in her hands, hugging it tightly before burying her face in it and inhaling deeply.  She tried, in her delirious state, to pretend that it was him, that he was back home - with her - and safe… and she felt something inside of her heart break, something small but unbearably painful.  A few tears fell onto the pillow before exhaustion and fear and sorrow overwhelmed her, and she lie back on his bed, and finally fell asleep clutching the pillow.  She could still smell his scent as she drifted off.

--

He stared up to the ceiling of the cave, illuminated by the faint blue light of his new miniature arc reactor.  He hadn't fallen asleep in over two hours, and he could do nothing but lay there like a log, trying to think of any soothing thoughts that might get him to sleep.  But he couldn't seem to control his mind - whatever wanted to come up, came up.

There was work, and lots of it.  He should be taking care of prototypes and finances and overseeing all of the other slightly less brilliant inventors who worked for him, keeping everything under control.  Hopefully Pepper would be able to keep an eye on that.  She always kept him together when it came to work, and she knew him and the company so well by now that, aside from actually designing weapons, she could probably do his job just as well as he could.

There were his women.  They popped into his mind several times (there were a lot of them, after all).  He sure could have used one right about now.  It was strange not to so much as flirt with anyone for such an extended period of time.  But it was probably for the best, he could certainly think more clearly without the distraction.  And Pepper was probably grateful for a break in escorting them out in the morning.  She always gave him the most disdainful looks after kicking them to the curb.

He could be building something in his workshop.  Building this… suit wasn't exactly the same as working on one of his cars or designing something just for the hell of it.  This was life or death, and as good as Yinsen was, he couldn't match Jarvis or Pepper.  Pepper didn't help him all that often, but she was always there when he needed an extra pair of hands, and she always did a good job.

After a while, he couldn't help but notice that even the most insignificant and seemingly unrelated thoughts somehow took him back to Pepper.  He quickly concluded that it had been Yinsen's fault (even though, technically, Tony had been one to bring up the subject of families).

"So you are a man with everything… and nothing."

It just sounded too awful, to hear it aloud, to have someone else see through the façade he had built and carefully maintained around himself for decades.  "Well… not nothing, I mean -"

"Your parents?  Brothers, sisters…?"

"No… Parents died a long time ago," he sighed, rolling the dice again.  "No real extended family.  None that are close, anyway."  The topic was making him uncomfortable, and he had suddenly regretted ever mentioning it.

"No wife?" Yinsen asked kindly.

"No.  Lots of women, though."

"Any that stick around?"

Tony stopped moving his pieces across the game board, and looked up thoughtfully.  "Hmm," he murmured, the corners of his mouth pulling up a little as he thought of her, with her impossibly high heels clicking across his marble floors as she came to find him, her pale red hair pulled back, her blue eyes, either staring him down in an attempt to force him to actually go to a meeting, or smiling at him during their friendly banter.  "My assistant.  Pepper.  Wouldn't survive a week without that woman."

"That's not exactly what I meant," Yinsen smiled back at him.

But it was true, he thought, lying on the uncomfortable cot.  Being away from her, even for this short time, had finally made him realize that.  He owed her a great deal… and to be honest, he missed her.  Even here, where he didn't need anyone to remind him of appointments or shoo away his one-night-stands or bring him coffee, he still missed her.  He still wished that he could be back home with her, or at least have her here, with him in this God-forsaken cave.   He closed his eyes, and tried to picture her.  She really was beautiful, and not just the way the women he brought home were beautiful.  He couldn't really explain it.  She was just different.

It hurt, to miss someone like this.  He had forgotten how much it hurt.  He hated it.

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So, I've pretty much written the entire fic, and I just need to get a chance to make sure it's edited and post it.  Expect the remaining chapters shortly.


	3. Six Weeks, Four Days

Absence

Chapter Three

"Six Weeks, Four Days"

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The house quickly became unbearable. It just felt _wrong_, to be there alone all day and night, with only Jarvis to talk to, with no Tony to keep out of trouble, with no real work to do once the reporters had stopped calling and Obadiah had taken over all of Tony's paperwork. For a while, Pepper had sworn to herself that she would stay away from that miserable, empty mansion until Tony returned to fill it again. But that plan only lasted until she realized - admitted - that he might not. So she eventually settled for doing what she could at her own condo, only going to his place when she needed to. Even this had her going there too much, but she felt compelled to keep doing her job, to keep things ready for him to come back at any time.

She wound up having far less to do in a day than she could remember in a very long time - certainly for as long as she had worked for Tony Stark. She didn't know what to do with herself. For a while, she tried to find simple distractions, from long lunches to more frequent manicures, movies, jogs on the beach - anything she could think of. But it didn't work. Every minute she spent doing her work left her thinking of him, and every attempted distraction undoubtedly had a quiet moment where the fear could slither into her consciousness, worry her ceaselessly and refuse to leave her in peace.

So, for all intents and purposes, she was _always_ thinking of him. Some of the time she would reminisce about him, remember his charm and his humor, and the genuine care that he actually did show for her sometimes. Sometimes - very rarely - she felt optimistic, and thought of what she would say to him when he came back, of what she would do. But the rest of the time, far too much time, was spent engulfed in fear, with a demon whispering in her ear that he was gone, already dead, and that she would never see him again. And so, most of the time, it took all of her strength, focus and control to keep from losing her sanity to the sorrow.

--

He wasn't working on the suit. He was just sitting there, at the makeshift work table, turning over a small piece of scrap as he counted how long he had been there. Six weeks, four days. He reluctantly turned to the pile of half-assembled parts scattered across the table and various parts of the floor. It wasn't even half done, after all the work they had already put into it. And their captors had to be at least a little suspicious of what they were doing. As the days went by, the worry began to seep in more and more that they would never complete the suit, that they would be killed for the attempt, and that all of this hope and work would be for nothing.

"Stark," Yinsen said quietly, pulling him out of his miserable trance. Tony lifted his eyes to the older man, but could not bring himself to move any other part of his body. "Have you been feeling all right? You don't seem as… you don't seem to be yourself lately."

Tony sighed and put down the piece of scrap metal. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He tried again, and got the same result. He couldn't think of anything to say. What _could_ he say to the man who had been so faithfully helping him, who was counting on this plan's success just as much as Tony?

But somehow, Yinsen seemed to understand. "Why are you doing this, Stark? Why are you building this suit?"

Tony stared at the other man in confusion. What kind of question was that? "So… so I can escape."

"And why do you want to do that?" Yinsen asked with a slight grin.

"Because. I don't want to die here." Where was this going?

"Why not?"

"Because I want to go back to my life. I want to keep living." This conversation was getting more and more bizarre by the second.

"Why? Why do you want to return to your life? What about it makes you want to hold onto it?"

This time, Tony didn't know what to say. What _did_ he love about it?

"Is it the women? Is it that you want to go back to making weapons, making money?"

Tony shook his head slowly, but still kept quiet. He didn't have an answer. He knew there was something, some vague hope of returning home that drove him on until now, but he could never pin it down.

"Well, then, let me ask you this: say that reactor of yours malfunctioned, something went horribly wrong, and you only had one hour to live. But, you could be instantly transported anywhere in the world, to do anything you wanted. How would you spend that hour, Stark?"

_With Pepper_. He didn't even have to think, the answer simply came to him immediately. He would spend his final hour with Pepper. He didn't say it out loud, but his face must have shown that he had made his choice, because Yinsen smiled at him, and leaned over to pat his shoulder.

"Remember that, my friend. Hold on to that hour. It will get you through until the end of this." He then stood and returned to his own duties.

Pepper. It was so simple, he wasn't sure why he had not realized the motive before. He wanted desperately to see her again, he had from the moment he was taken prisoner. She was closer to him than anyone else, she knew him better than anyone else, she looked out for him, and even though he paid her a lot of money to do it, he could tell that deep down, she cared about him, even without the paycheck. And… she was all he had.

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So, I was just checking out my hits, and all I have to say is… wow. Thanks, guys. ;) And thanks to those that have reviewed, as I am a bit of a review junkie.


	4. Ten Weeks, Two Days

Absence

Chapter Four

"Ten Weeks, Two Days"

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Pepper stared down at her blackberry, half tempted to count, again, but the other half of her was just too emotionally exhausted. She had already counted it a dozen times, she didn't know what made her want to try again, as if somehow it would change. She knew it wouldn't change. She came up with the same number every time - ten weeks, two days. Two and a half months that he had been missing, and two and a half months since she had been truly calm, relaxed or happy.

She didn't understand how she had managed to keep going this long. The many fears that troubled her in the beginning had only intensified. She kept thinking about him constantly, no matter what she did or didn't do, and thinking about him _always_ meant worrying. It always came with a crippling fear that he was dead, hurt, in pain, that she would never see him again. That fear was wearing away at her, a little more each day, and at this point, she wasn't sure how much of her spirit was left.

She stared out the window of the coffee shop, watching a few cars pass in the street before turning her eyes back down to the coffee she had yet to touch. It had stopped steaming; she should probably drink it before it got cold, but she had no desire to pick up the cup and drink the coffee.

_Why does this still hurt so much_? she begged, willing an answer from anywhere. He was just her boss. Sure, she had worked for him for four years, and as such they had built up a bond, but he was still _just her boss_. People didn't feel this way about their bosses, especially ones who were as arrogant, inconsiderate, and pompous as Tony Stark. Being worried was to be expected, but it shouldn't be so unbearably devastating. But nonetheless, here she was, ten weeks and two days later, acting like she loved him.

Pepper froze, staring down at the table in shock, repeating that last train of thought over and over again in her mind. The thought had come to her of its own accord - it was the last thing she would ever have expected to cross her mind, but nonetheless, there it was, staring her in the face and daring her to contradict it.

She thought back for a minute, remembering how she had been feeling and acting since the moment Rhodes broke the news. She was constantly worried, thinking about him what seemed like every waking moment, couldn't bear to feel this way much longer… It wasn't as if she was an expert on the subject - she had never been in love before, not really, so she didn't have anything to compare these feelings to, but she could imagine well enough. And after a moment, she realized the thought wasn't completely random. It fit. She _was_ acting like she was in love with him.

For several long, long minutes, she stared out the window, hypnotized by the passing people and cars, trying to think of why a reasonably sane woman would go about acting like she was in love with her missing boss. And as hard as she thought, she could only come up with one explanation: she, Pepper Potts, really was in love with Tony Stark.

--

He should be getting some sleep. They had to work even faster now that the suit was nearly complete, and the terrorists who had captured them were finally starting to get suspicious. With another week or two, and a little luck, he would be free. But he couldn't sleep, and it was probably this thought that was keeping him up. So he accepted his insomnia, wandering about the edges and small tunnels of the cave. He moved as quietly as he could, so he wouldn't disturb Yinsen, and let his mind wander. He wasn't particularly surprised when it quickly led him to Pepper.

He didn't understand it. She was on his mind… basically any time the suit wasn't the focus of his attention (and even much of the time that it was). He was constantly imagining her face, remembering a time he made her laugh, wishing she were here to hand him a sleeping pill and tell him to go to bed since he had so much work to do tomorrow. He paused for a moment, and smiled nostalgically at the mental picture of her stern posture and eyes that said she would not let him win this one. Tony sighed, and sat against the wall of a narrow tunnel. Being away from her hurt more and more every day, every hour, and working on the suit wasn't enough to keep the loneliness at bay anymore. If this went on much longer, he wasn't sure if he would be able to focus at all.

_God, why do I miss her so much_? he pleaded, as if the cave would whisper the answer to him. She was just his assistant. Yes, he had already admitted to himself that she was all he really had, and that she was his strongest drive to escape this place, but still. Even that did not warrant such one-track feelings. People didn't miss their assistants so deeply that it hurt more than anything had in a very long time, especially when that assistant seemed to loathe him half the time, and threatened to quit at least once a month. And it wasn't the _assistant_ that he missed, either. He missed _her_ - Pepper, the eternally and miraculously patient woman who kept him sane, the one thing in his life that was truly meaningful.

He closed his eyes and imagined her, again. Dark blue skirt, tight and down to her knees with a matching jacket (she looked good in blue), crisp white shirt underneath, those stilettos that must kill her but look gorgeous, her hair pulled back in a low pony tail, her bangs swept across her forehead, like the last time he saw her…. The fantasy took over and directed itself, and he watched her come into the house, ungodly early as always, fix a cup of coffee and bring it to his room to wake him up. He watched her set the coffee down on his nightstand, sit beside him on the edge of the bed, lean over him and kiss him deeply to wake him -

His eyes snapped back open to the ragged stone wall three feet in front of him. What the hell was that? She kissed him… or, more accurately, he imagined her kissing him… and why else would his mind come up with such a thing if he didn't want it to actually happen? He sat frozen in the now eerie silence, running over all the thoughts he had had of her since his capture, trying to see if there was something more there. He had almost never been with the same woman twice, and had never come anywhere near loving any of them, so it wasn't as if he had any reference points, but… there _was_ something deeper there, something he had never notice d before.

And the obvious truth finally sank in, the one that had been staring him in the face, the one that he had been completely blind to, for three months (or probably more like four years): he, Tony Stark, really was in love with Pepper Potts.

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Many thanks for the reviews, people!


	5. Three Months

An extra long chapter for your reading pleasure.

--

Absence

Chapter Five

"Three Months"

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She couldn't take it anymore.  Three months, as it turned out, was her breaking point.  She literally woke up one morning, several days ago, feeling absolutely nothing.  Not fear or pain, or relief at the dissipation of that pain, or some little bit of happiness that had managed to finally break through.  There was only an absolute and all-consuming numbness, like her heart had committed suicide to spare her any more pain, and now lay dead and useless inside her.

She still did what little work there was to do - answering the occasional email from a reporter asking for an update, making sure the utilities bills and staff were paid, keeping things in order.  But she was only going through the motions, like one of the robots in Tony's workshop.

She wouldn't say that she had given up hope - she hadn't - but… the truth was, if she was really honest with herself, the most likely scenario was that he was dead, and had been for a long time now.  If his captors had any intention of releasing him, why wouldn't they have done so already?  There had been no ransom demand, no videos sent out with a fanatical message, and no clearly hand-made Stark weapons showing up anywhere.  Of course, no one knew what had really happened to him, wherever he was, but logical conclusion of the information they _did_ have was not good.  That was all Pepper had now - some illogical mix of realism, and a tiny spark of optimism that was barely surviving.

And today was the worst.  After a long, restless and completely useless night of sleep and nightmares, she woke up and decided that she just couldn't take it today.  She woke up late, just after nine, and only a few minutes after waking up, she found herself standing with her blackberry in her hands, wishing to feel anything but the numbness in her heart.  She ran her thumb over the buttons slowly, and sighed.  She had hardly gotten any calls lately.   Tony was usually the only one to call her anyway, and without him, few people had much need to contact her.  She only kept it on now because she was waiting for another call, and hoping that it would bring good news.  But that waiting was doing her more harm than good, and only left her disappointed and afraid each day that went by without _that_ call.  So Pepper sighed heavily again, and turned it off.

She didn't go to work that day - amazingly, it was the first time she had not done so in these three months.  She just put on a plain, casual outfit, no makeup, got into her car and started driving.  She didn't go anywhere in particular, just leaving her hands to decide where to take her.  She must have driven through half of Los Angeles in those few hours, past mansions and poorer neighborhoods with children playing in the front yards, past downtown skyscrapers and miles of beaches.  Not a single sight broke through to her.  All she felt was the slight hum of her moving car, and all she saw that was not a mindless gray blur were the lines in the road, guiding her.

Eventually, she found that her hands had driven her back to Malibu.  She stared at the dashboard clock as she waited at a stoplight, telling her that it was already one in the afternoon.  As she slowly returned to a conscious state of mind, she could not understand how she could have been driving for over three hours, but still fell that she had only left her home minutes before.  More aware now, she continued through the streets of the wealthy neighborhood, until she realized that she was thirsty, and made her way to her usual coffee shop.

It was only a few minute's drive from the Stark mansion, small but elegant like everything else in Malibu.  A dozen or so small tables, modern art prints on the walls, and a flat-screen TV on the wall, showing whatever sitcom re-run was playing at any given time of the day, but Pepper didn't really pay attention to any of this when she came in.  Ever since she began working for Tony, the little shop had been her refuge and escape at the end of the day, and an afternoon hide-away on all the not-so-rare occasions that her work was on the brink of driving her mad.  The staff and most of the regulars knew her and who she worked for.

They hadn't seen her much lately.

As she waited in line behind two people, she felt her rational, responsible self resurfacing, chiding her for turning off her phone.  Reluctantly, she pulled it from her purse, and turned it on as she made it to the front of the line.  Once she had ordered her small black coffee, she was surprised to see a small envelope in the corner of the screen, and checked the message.  She dialed and entered her code as the barista brought her a small mug.  As she carried it away from the counter in search of a table, her phone announced that the single message had been sent at 9:38 that morning.

"_Damn it_, woman!"  Rhodes' voice blasted through the earpiece.  "Answer your phone!  Listen, Tony's alive -"  Pepper barely registered the sensation of the cup slipping from her hands, and the piercing sound when it shattered on the floor.  "- we found him!  He's okay, he's coming home.  _CALL ME!_"

For a moment, Pepper was frozen, breathing fast and feeling like her heart was about to pound out of her chest as she tried to wrap her head around the message.  Her shock was over almost instantly, her mind suddenly sharply focused as it had not been in three months.  Deep in her chest, she felt a spark of life suddenly return to her heart, reviving it from its pained death, and eager to make her feel again.  But still a part of her did not dare to hope, and demanded proof before it would let her heart send love and joy rushing through her again.  Her eye caught the TV, and she desperately ran behind the counter, past a protesting barista to grab the remote.  With a miraculously quick and steady hand, she changed the channel to CNN.

Beneath the shaky footage of a tired Stark in a helicopter with Rhodes was the bold red headline, _TONY STARK FOUND ALIVE!_

As Pepper stared at the screen, at the face of the man she had feared was dead for three months, dehydrated, exhausted, with plainly visible cuts and bruises, but still so grateful to be going home, her heart was finally allowed to live again, and every last bit of love and fear and hope and joy and sorrow and pain and now absolute happiness were released and filled her whole being all at once, with the most amazing intensity she had ever known.  She finally could not contain the emotions, and laughed in elation as a tear rolled down her face.

She immediately hit Rhodes' speed dial on her phone, and rushed to the door.  He answered midway through the first ring.  "Took you long enough -"

"Rhodey!  I just got your message, and -"

Suddenly, a different voice cut her off, stopping her in her tracks just outside the café door.  "Pepper?"

The familiar voice sent another wave of joy and love through her.  "_Tony_!  Oh, God, Tony -" she laughed again, before remembering that she should have been having this conversation hours ago.  "I'm so sorry, I would have called sooner but I turned my phone off - oh, _stupid_ - I just found out - I'm sorry, I -"

"Potts," Tony said, and she could hear the smirk in his voice, "you're babbling."

She stopped immediately, blushing even though he could not see her.  "Sorry."  She fell quiet for a moment, letting everything sink in.  She was just so unbelievably grateful, and overwhelmed by the sudden change that she had feared would never come.  At that thought, her happiness ebbed ever so slightly, and the old fear and pain that held her captive for three months took its place.  "Tony…" she whispered, feeling tears well in her eyes again.  "Is it really you?"

She heard him laugh quietly on the other end of the line, thousands of miles away.  With a voice as quiet and serious as hers had been, he replied, "Yes, Pepper.  It's really me."

If she had been less overwhelmed, she might have wondered at the unfamiliar undertone in his voice, something she was sure she had never heard before and couldn't quite place.  But now the thought fell away, pushed back by the returning joy.  She felt a wide smile spread across her face.  "Are you okay?"

"Well enough," he sighed.  "Nothing serious."

Pepper's earlier tears of joy returned, and she began laughing and sobbing quietly all at once.

"Potts, are you crying on me?" he asked with a kind humor.

"Oh, shut up!" she laughed back.  "I'm allowed to cry when I find out you're not dead."  She was quiet for a moment as she wiped the tears from her cheeks, and let her emotions slowly settle back down.  She sighed, her voice lowering again.  "I'm so glad you're all right, Tony… you have no idea…."  Her voice shied away in fear of what could have been.

"Pepper?" he whispered, as if to make sure no one in the world heard him but her.  "I'm okay.  And I'm coming home.  I'm going to be there tomorrow morning."

She took a deep, somewhat shaky breath to calm herself and slow her heart, and with a smile said, "Can't wait."

"Me neither."  She could tell from his voice that he was smiling, too.  "And Pepper?"  He seemed to hesitate, but only for the slightest of moments.  "I missed you."

"I missed you, too, Tony."

He handed the phone back to Rhodes, who told Pepper that they would be arriving at the air force base at ten the next morning.  She said goodbye, hung up, and slipped the phone back into her purse.  She realized that she was still standing just outside of the coffee shop.  Still smiling, she brushed away the last few tears with a little sniffle, and sighed heavily.  As the love that had been overflowing within her settled down into her heart, protected and strong, she decided to tell him she loved him the moment he was back and safe and with her.

Resolute, she lifted her head, seeing a world brighter and clearer, and more full of hope than she even remembered it could be.  She looked all around her, taking in every sight and savoring it - until she turned her head to the side, and found a coffee shop full of people staring at her in fascination.

She felt herself blush profusely, and quickly walked away to her car, nonetheless happier than she could ever remember being in her entire life.

--

As he watched Rhodey hit the 'end call' button, Tony found himself missing the sound of Pepper's voice already.  He briefly entertained the idea of calling her back again, but decided that, as much as he wanted to, it would be pushing it.  But still… maybe his perceptions were a little off, on account of being in a cave for three months, but he could think of no more beautiful sound in the world, even better than he had imagined in his dreams and memories of her.  He imagined her face, feeling some indescribable happiness stir in him again as he did.  Maybe she would look even more beautiful than he remembered, too.

The military doctor returned, urging him to lie back on the bed.  He reluctantly obliged, despite the almost unbearable flood of love and relief and leftover fear and sadness and happiness rushing through his veins making him want to run, laugh, cry, shout to the world that he loved her, to be with her right here and now, to hold her and kiss her and tell her he loved her in a whisper only she could hear.

The doctor injected something into the I.V. line already hooked into his arm, saying something about fixing the other arm that Tony didn't really pay attention to.  It was a sedative, he realized as his eyes began to feel heavy.  As he drifted off into a welcome sleep, his thoughts stayed on Pepper, the utterly incredible and wonderful woman he had overlooked and taken for granted for four years.  His last thought was a vow to tell her he loved her the very first moment he had alone with her, as he should have done long ago.

--

--

I'm so glad everyone's liking it.  One more chapter to go!  (And, sorry, but don't go expecting an AU.)


	6. Home

Absence

Chapter Six

"Home"

--

Like old times, she was wide awake at 4:57, shutting off her alarm clock before it even rang, and began her morning routine.  Her heart was racing from the moment her feet hit the floor, and maintained its speed, hurrying her as she chose her outfit, did her hair and makeup, and put more care into her appearance than she had since the day of her job interview some four years before.  She didn't even try to tell herself that the care she took was mere professionalism - she loved him, she wanted to look drop-dead gorgeous for his return, and she knew it.

Despite so much effort in getting ready, she made it to the Stark mansion at precisely 6:49, long before Tony's plane was due at the base.  She spent her extra time going through every room in the house, making sure everything was as it should be, checking his email (only to realize that it was nothing but inquiries from reporters, again, and she decided to leave them for a later time), and generally ensuring everything was absolutely perfect for Tony's return.  Fortunately (or unfortunately, given that she still had anxious time to kill), she had kept things under control so well for the last thing three months that very little needed to be done.  Finally, _finally_, at 8:30, she and Happy got in the car for the drive to the air force base.

The endlessly long drive was over in an instant, and soon they were on the tarmac, driving up to the massive plane that had just taxied into place.  Pepper felt a swarm of butterflies in her stomach as she stepped out of the car, anticipating her final, absolute and undeniable confirmation that Tony Stark was indeed alive, and her chance to say what had torn her heart to shreds for the last three months.

Pepper wrung her hands tightly and chewed on her bottom lip as she waited for the back of the plane to open.  When it finally did, and she laid eyes on him, for real this time, her face spread into an uncontrollable smile.

--

While the plane was still in the air, he was willing it to move faster, to take him home and to her sooner, but he was finding out that that tactic sadly didn't work, and by the time they landed and began moving slowly across the runway to their place, he was downright praying for it to go faster.

In the last few moments of the painfully long wait, he compulsively straightened his tie, his collar, his lapels, ran a hand through his hair, did every last-minute thing he could think of to look his best.  He didn't want to look too much like hell when he saw her (although the extra sympathy and concern he would no doubt receive could only help him).

Finally - _finally_ - the plane came to a stop, the doors dropped down, and Rhodey helped him up.  Far away - too far for his injured body to run - he saw Pepper, smiling brilliantly, beautifully.  His guess had been right - she did look even more beautiful than he had remembered.

When he stood from the wheelchair, he still had every intention to follow her into the back of the Rolls Royce, raise the privacy barrier, take her soft hands into his, savor her incredible blue eyes, give her a more genuine smile than he had ever given any woman in his life, tell her that thoughts of her had kept him alive back in that cave, and then tell her he loved her more than anything.

But, somehow, as he began his slow descent down the ramp toward the woman of his dreams, he felt his nerves catching up with him, and he began to remember their history together.  She was his assistant, after all, and he did sign her paychecks, and Pepper Potts wasn't the sort of woman to let her personal life get too entangled with her work - that would be a problem.  And it wasn't like she could have forgotten his reputation in his absence, she was the one who always escorted the women from the mansion in the morning, and… S_hit_.

He felt his determination falter, suddenly afraid of rejection by the only person he had, the only one who really meant something to him, afraid of scaring her away forever with a simple admission.  In the wake of the fear, he felt a familiar old cockiness brimming up within him, his usual protection against anything that terrified him.  He didn't like it, didn't want it here, _now_, but he couldn't help it and could think of nothing else to protect a heart which could so easily be shattered in one instant by one woman.

--

Somehow, she was too nervous, and still had too much sense of propriety to run up the ramp to him.  Butterflies still fluttering wildly within her, she waited in place, still staring at him.  Yes, that was absolutely the same Tony Stark who had left her three months ago… after forgetting her birthday.  After being three hours late for a flight, ruining the schedules for some unknown number of people half a world away.  After leaving her to send another one-night-stand packing… after being _Tony Stark_, the man she had come to know far too well over the years… _Oh, no_.

"Your eyes are red," he commented cooly once he finally reached her.  His nonchalant tone did something to her, killed every butterfly, left her heart to sink and break just a tiny bit, and left her newfound love to retreat in the face of the fear of rejection, of getting pushed aside or fired for her admission, of losing what small ways she had to love him in their old routines with each other.  "Few tears for your long-lost boss?"  The hint of cockiness in his words, and the sickening reminder that he was her boss did her in, sealed her love deep within her heart where it could neither escape nor be harmed, and a brave and equally cool mask took its place.

"Tears of joy," she said, forcing a smile, barely able to look him in the eye.  "I hate job-hunting," she added quickly, as a plausible excuse.  Feeling guilty, and desperate, and filled with the terror that she would never again have the courage to say what she wanted to, she let her old shield fall into place - the polite and respectful demeanor she always used with her boss, her barrier against whatever her heart might want her to feel right now.  She acted like she always had before, because she had no idea what else to do.

--

And there it was.  An injured heart , courtesy of Pepper Potts - the last thing he needed right now.  _Job-hunting_?  Was that really it?  Could that really have been her greatest concern in the last three months?  Not that he was hurt, or dead, or missed her?  Could she really feel _nothing_?

"Yeah, well," he said curtly, not wanting to linger in the fresh pain any longer than was necessary.  "Vacation's over."

He brushed past her quickly on his way to the car, silently wondering, racking his brain to try to decide if Pepper was the type of woman to hide feelings for a man because he was her boss, the type of woman who was so professional that she could not even let a tiny bit of personal concern show, even if she wanted to.  Unfortunately, he had nothing to base his answers on, and he truly could not guess.  Feeling like a fool for ever believing she might share his feelings, like an idiot for letting his old self crop up in his first moment back with her, and terrified that, even if she did love him, he had lost his one chance to tell her, he slipped quietly and reluctantly into the back of the car.  He had no idea what else to do.

--

--

All done.  Sorry about the lack of happy ending, but I did warn you.


End file.
